I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
