I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
