Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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