Ambien. No doubt about it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
