You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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