Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
