i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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