i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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