he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
