She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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