and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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