atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
