i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
