and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
