Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
