My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
