I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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