He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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