you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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