you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
