He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
