Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
