I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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