i just had sex bonerless
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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