Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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