Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I could make wine with my vomit
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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