Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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