Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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