Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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