Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize