THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
