do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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