tell your sister to shave her snatch
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
