so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
