im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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