I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
