i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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