I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
