Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize