i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
