**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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