she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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