i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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