Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
