Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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