She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
