i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
