I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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