I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
