how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize