If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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