i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
