I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Farmville is her only friend.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
