the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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