I showed him my bush... on skype.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
