fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
