no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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