Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
