I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
operation harelip BJ is a go
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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