Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
