your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
