May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Houston, we have a blender
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
