I wish I could punch you in the face.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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