just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
