Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
