Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
