and i looked up. we had an audience...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
