the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
