Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
