My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
