apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
