Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
