If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
