So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
