I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
