That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
