We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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