well most of my day revolves around power hour
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
