I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
