my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize