So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
