Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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