the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
