yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
