Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He felt like a one man threesome
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
