I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
