so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize