Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
