I just threw up on my dentist
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
